Tuesday, 16 June 2015

Where's Hodge Gone?

Or more to the point who is she? I'd be lying if I said to you I don't constantly question myself about how and why I've changed in such a short time. This morning, while on my run I was trying to work out how to even start this blog and nothing seemed to fit right. I don't want this post to be the same crap we always hear like 'Oh my god I'm a new person' because I'm not new, I'm still the same girl, but I guess, I am different? Oh, I don't know but hopefully after reading this maybe you could find the answer for me?

Let me take you back 5 weeks ago. Uni deadlines in the horizon, gym constantly in the front of my mind, home from the buzz of London, blogging becoming a chore, my friends at home lurking in the distance and my uni friends more or less nonexistent with my dreams only remaining that of a dream. I guess you could kind of say I felt slightly lost. I wasn't unhappy, but I got caught up in what I felt like I should be doing and trying to carry on life like it was before. I didn't know I could do things alone and I certainly didn't know I could be on my own and for a 19-year-old girl I hated that about myself.

So if I felt like that just a few weeks back how do I explain how I feel now? I'm content, wanting to work hard, wanting to blog, wanting to see friends, wanting to get in the gym and eat well instead of feeling like I had to. Maybe it's the great friends I've made at uni or the fact my old friends and family constantly have my back? Who know's all I can say is in such a short amount of time I'm a lot happier with myself.

So much has changed and I'm still not sure I've thought every decision through properly whether that's going out most nights and destroying my kidneys or eating as much crap food as I can until my body is crying for the gym, but I had fun! What's more, I'm finally leaving mummy and moving in with my favourite Bristolian to the land of Jenners (yes I will be singing the Wurzels every time they speak for a good 2 years and yes, it will still be funny every time I do it). When I move out there are certainly a few things I'll be taking with me all from what I've learnt from my saint of a Stepdad that 100% has played a huge part in who I am today.

Always find the reason WHY you do something and work out how much that means to you.

Be thankful every day for your past - It shaped you now let it motivate you. 

Forgive those that have ever done you wrong - I still struggle with this because I'm stubborn.

You will learn something from every person you speak to - Are they boring when telling a story? Well you've learnt not to tell a story in that way then.

Go it alone. Find things out for yourself - Let Mum and Dad go.

Maybe it's the things I've learnt from him that have got me to be in such a good place? All these questions I'm trying to answer, but maybe I need to stop trying to work it out and keep chasing my dreams instead of sitting on them to find the answer.

But one thing is for certain... The girl that relied on someone's company, a boyfriend and perfection, doesn't need that anymore.

I've got this, all on my own - have you?

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